Thank you for a very thoughtful series of posts. While reading, I've realized that I've been unforgivably rude about one of my relatives. I'm rather ashamed of myself, speaking/joking about her ("my brother's second wife left him for another woman") from what I now see as a position of het-norm privilege, it's inexcusable. I've never said anything to her - we live on opposite sides of the country so don't see each other more than once every 5 years or so - and I never would (I'm not a total jerk!), I just didn't realize before exactly how rude it was to refer to her in that fashion. Thank you again. I'll do my homework (I still have to look up my new word of the day - "cis-gendered", never heard that one before.)