3 moderately freezer burned breasts of garlic chicken left over from when your partner was so flat in bed with Covid that you weren't sure whether they were going to get better but it was a "mild" case and they "didn't need" hospitalization or Paxlovid, reheated and chopped, possibly with kitchen shears
3 heaping slotted spoons of capers (less if you do not get your capers at Costco or the restaurant supply place)
1 jar Alfredo sauce
1 pound of an edgy pasta (we used gluten free rotini because that's what rotini we had)
1.5 tablespoons of World Market Lemon Pepper Garlic (and salt) spice mix, less if that's not your bag (baby) or you do not enjoy a very mild burn to the mouth from pepper
1 tablespoon (or more) butter
1 scant handful shredded cheddar cheese
A couple-five marinated half-artichokes, with the tough leaf edges trimmed off and left to the local artichoke enjoyer

Prepare pasta.
Drain pasta, reserving enough pasta water to rehydrate chicken a little more if it needs it.
Put pasta, sauce, lemon pepper, probably butter, probably cheese, and probably chicken back into pot (large pot!) to mix and heat through.
Reduce artichokes to 5mm-ish slices, then slice the heart as close to cubes as you're feeling (scissors help here too)
Mix in artichokes and capers

If you're a dragon who needs more spice, sprinkle some Montreal Steak Seasoning over the whole shebang.

Devour while playing Hades 2 or filling your pill boxes for the next 15 weeks. (Ow.)

It's fresh fruit o'clock here, and I finally got myself together enough last night to commence on the project of dried nectarines.

My process, such as it is:

* make sure we have a place to set up the dehydrator.
* get the dehydrator out, and make sure it's rinsed off.
* ideally spritz with unflavored cooking oil first, ahaha
* set up an entertainment to listen to during the project
* boil a kettle of water.
* hot water bowl, cold water bowl, nectarine scoop
* blanch the nectarines
* cutting board in clean rimmed baking tray to catch the juices
* cut nectarines into nice dryable pieces, usually getting 3 or 4 slices out of a tidy quarter
* reserve the odd scraps for snacking or mashing, don't fill up too fast on the good slices
* arrange nectarines on drying trays, saving the fruit leather inserts for the wettest and leaving at least one back for the scraps
* mash the uneaten scraps into goo
* spread the goo in a fruit leather tray
* dry them

Since we have a peach-disliker in the house, it is convenient that this time I have set up the dehydrator on the cooktop under the vent, so the whole house does not smell of nectarine the way it otherwise might.

I still have another box left to process, but there are a gratifying number of trays that have been drying overnight, and I had some of the partly-dried nectarine slices for breakfast.

I also had gotten some not-quite-best strawberries yesterday, and when we didn't finish eating them last night, I mashed those up as well with some sugar and I will be accepting constructive criticism of the strawberry leather (if I don't finish it all myself first).

Face it, a lot of recipes that start with "half a cup of mayonnaise and at least two teaspoons of garlic powder" can probably usefully replace the mayo and spices with a good whack of ranch dressing.

Benefit: fewer things to mix, flavors already melded
Drawback: you can't subtract things from the ranch, which could be a problem if you're working with a lot of allergies, and ranch is definitely dairy whereas mayo is, like, eggs and shit.

To that end, please behold my nearly instant onion ring sauce.

Good whack of ranch
About a tenth that much ketchup
A quarter or less the amount of ketchup in creamy horseradish sauce, according to taste -- err on the side of less, stir it up, and test it, before adding more than you really want.

Lacks the beauty and control of more involved recipes.
Is dead simple to put together when you've just hauled a tray of fried delicacies out of the oven.

gluten free, pepper free, allium free

Make a batch of mixed wild rice in a 6 cup rice cooker, adding a small can of mushrooms and one stick thinly sliced celery. Use the finger-slicer (mandoline)
Use chicken stock as the liquid, make sure it is free of alliums and pepper if that's a concern for your audience.
Include a fat
Add sage, thyme, rosemary, marjoram
(If not pepper-free, you might be able to use poultry seasoning.)
Stir and serve.

I must have never posted this here, so!

When I went with Belovedest to spend Christmas with their family back in Mitchigin we did a grocery store run prior to the big day. I grabbed a few flavors of that storied and somewhat niche beverage, Faygo. Like many of us in the wider fandom world, I'd run into it thanks to a certain grape-guzzling troll and his fuckin' miracles.

Having grown up there, Belovedest enjoys the occasional Redpop, but doesn't relish the idea of paying the shipping for something that's mostly water, and doesn't consider themselves in either of the main Faygo fandoms. "Strawberry," they said when trying to describe Redpop to me. "Mostly."

That was helpful, but I needed some personal tastebuds on the issue. So naturally that was what I tried first. Indeed, I found that it was mostly strawberry. It also had a wider spectrum of fruitiness, a more general berry, and that elusive edge that Belovedest couldn't define. "Bubblegum!" I shouted, or words to that effect.

Sometime after we got home I mixed up a batch of some definitely red pop. Mostly strawberry, some raspberry and maybe a little pomegranate. Not quite. I thought about mixing my own bubblegum accord. That sounded like a good idea until I started down that actual rabbit hole. Maybe a commercially made one, then? That was starting to sound impractical until our grocery trip took us down the soda and mixers aisle at one of the restaurant supply stores, and I saw it. A great huge jug of strawberry (and I'd floated this suggestion, as a cheaper alternative to the coffee syrups) and -- yes! -- bubblegum. Snowcone syrups, technically, but a syrup's sometimes just a syrup!

That batch went through taste-testing and Belovedest pronounced it almost there. "Stronger, somehow?" they hazarded. "The flavor's good, but there's ... something ... missing. Sweeter?"

I facepalmed. Of course.

So my finished recipe for our Sodastream efforts is:

Mostly strawberry snowcone syrup
A solid glug of other red fruits (raspberry, pomegranate, cherry -- but on the tart side)
Maybe a drizzle of rose
Bubblegum
... and ...
... corn syrup.

If I did it more often and had a more ready supply of reference beverage, I might even be able to give amounts or proportions. But we're making this about two stadium cups worth at a time, and I like varying the mix. (Often enough I go easy on the corn syrup.)

It is traditional to have a substantial personal story here so any recipe skimmers will be defeated by the power of Copyright!!

Today I went to the doctor for a follow-up on last Friday's appointment: a nasty boil or abscess in a very personal part of my body. The culture was unenlightening (there are a lot of critters in the area in general) and had nothing particularly interesting going on. I finish up the course of antibiotics for that (as opposed to the prophylactic series for my mouth operation, which concluded Sunday morning) very soon.

It's pretty much stopped draining, but there's still a palpable (but soft) lump in the area, which might be an annoyed gland of some kind. Warm compress/bath soaking to continue.

The appointment was meant to be on Monday, doctor selected on the basis of first doctor available, but then that doctor was out sick Monday. So I called for a reschedule, and drew my own GP for Wednesday (today). In the meantime, I had also booked an appointment with my GP, as my left foot has started acting up to the point that I got glared into making the appointment by Belovedest after the tenth or so time of hearing me scream when I set my foot down wrong. The first available normal appointment was in the second week of July, naturally.

But now that I was unexpectedly in the room with my own GP, I asked about the foot, got my foot felt up, and got shipped off to Imaging. Yay! I didn't manage to get it imaged the first time around. I was able to cancel the 2nd week of July appointment, hooray, and I got a referral out to a podiatrist if it keeps being bad. The working theory was either some post-breakage arthritis, or maybe Morton's Neuroma.

Since I hadn't told the story fully the first time, I should elaborate here.

We'd gone shopping for some St. Mark's Day sales, and brought home some deeply discounted fairy lights. I decided that I was going to hang them up in the northeast corner of the basement (aka the "dungeon", which at this point is mostly spare storage and a cleaning nightmare waiting to ensue because Some Ladies Can't Be Trusted *glares at cats*), for ~ambience~. At that point it had some disassembled 'gym equipment' stacked with some holiday boxes along the west side, a decorative mirror looking for a good mounting place against the east wall, a display rack with a bunch of implements in the center-north, and not much else.

It's also worthy of noting that norabombay has been saying "You're going to get killed on that thing" about the sex swing, approximately since 2017 when Belovedest first mentioned that this equipment could be set up. It's the variety that's a collection of metal poles of various width that can be friction-fit and then bolted together, forming a four-pole tent structure with two sides with cross-braces, and a hook to suspend the seat in the center. Currently it was in a stack of poles following the Great Flood Incidents of late 2017, which had necessitated taking up the rug that was the all-important non-slip, non-stretch footing.

And it was across those poles that I tiptoed, stretching, seeking an attachment point for the string of lights.

A pole rolled.

My left foot, the balance foot, came down hard on a protruding bolt-socket right in the middle of the 4th metatarsal. I slipped, staggered, and went down with a crash sideways across the floor, whacking my head directly into the mirror (narrowly avoiding a field trip into a BDSM mirrorverse, since I didn't go THROUGH).

Lying there on the floor, head aching and foot pounding, I tried to calculate if I should be calling for assistance or help. Was I hurt enough for it to qualify as an emergency? Did I need the presence of someone else immediately? The calculation was surprisingly difficult.

While I contemplated this, there was a pounding of feet on the stairs and both housemates appeared, making my quandary moot. I was regaining my sense of humor by this point, and I'm afraid that I may have concerned them by starting to giggle.

This was not how Nora had envisioned me getting hurt, and yet? Prophecy fulfilled.


(I didn't go to the ER, because an ER after 9pm on New Year's Eve is not a good scene; I spent the next week with my foot up in bed instead. By the time I got in to see my doctor I had already ordered a boot and talked with my boss about being out for extremely legitimate can't-walk issues. I never did find time to get the x-ray done. It ached at me if I bent my foot wrong for a couple months, but that eventually cleared up.)


Anyway, soup. Dietary notes: As we make it, this is treif; it is likely most easy to make a milk dish by adding more sour cream and omitting all of the meat ingredients. I imagine this would also go nicely with a mushroom base, but I haven't tried that. If you have a satisfactory sour cream substitute, consider that. It's inherently carbohydrate heavy due to the potato, but the broccoli version does add some brassica bulk.

This makes one large soup bowl, and feeds approximately one person. In practice in this household here, it fed one person plus the leftover served as a soup course for a large dragon.

Many of the ingredients are powdered; they would also likely be good in less-powdered forms, but the goals were a) don't have seed-sized particulates that could get caught in a healing mouth; b) skip the blending step in a traditional potato soup done from scratch.

0. Have instant mashed potatoes.
1. Boil a kettle of water.
1a: if using broccoli, start steaming it.

2. While the kettle is heating up, locate your other ingredients.

UNIVERSAL FLAVORS
Warm:
Onion powder (a good whack, maybe 2 or 3 teaspoons)
Granulated garlic (also a good whack, maybe 1/2 to 1 teaspoon)
Ground pepper (a solid shake or two)
Bacon bits

Cold:
Cheddar shreds
Sour cream
Half and half or milk

Finishing:
Butter to taste

TYPE 1: Beef
Warm:
Beef bouillon, or some other type of beef soup base; we have a thing that's basically Syrup of Beef in a squeeze bottle in the fridge. Enough to make about two cups of reconstituted broth.

TYPE 2: Chicken-Broccoli
Warm:
Chicken bouillon, etc; we have one of the giant food service containers. Use enough to make about two cups of reconstituted broth.
Cayenne pepper: a sprinkle
Paprika: a slightly more generous sprinkle

Finishing: steamed broccoli -- remember to leave extra room!

Assembly:
Begin with a large soup bowl; I use the 18 oz Corelle soup/cereal bowl (in Winter White, if I had an affiliate link, lol)

Add all the warm ingredients to the bowl.
Pour in about 2 cups of water, just off the boil. (I use an electric kettle. It's fantastic, even though it's a US one and therefore less instant and powerful.)
Ready with the potato? Pour in instant mashed potato, stirring vigorously, until the texture is just slightly more soupy than you want. Stir more, and carefully add enough to get it exactly right. Don't overflow!!!!

Start adding the cold ingredients, cheddar shreds first. Once those are mixed to your satisfaction, add sour cream until it tastes like there's more cheddar in there than you actually put.

Dilute with your milk ingredient.

Stir in the broccoli, reserving some florets for the top if you're feeling fancy.

Add your finishers: sometimes a little more bacon and cheddar is called for on top.

Serve immediately but sip cautiously: the cold ingredients will have cooled the dish substantially but it will still be fairly warm.

Back in 2018, I made some dill pickle crepes. I'm not entirely sure how I got the idea. It now goes here so I can find it without trawling my email.
Pictures: https://twitter.com/azurelunatic/status/983088735129489408

1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup dill pickle juice, plus a little more in case it's too dry
1 large egg

Seasonings to taste:
salt (fry a very little and taste before adding)
garlic?
montreal steak seasoning?
sliced dill pickle (in the batter, yes)
Savory pan grease (our perpetual favorite is bacon)

Filling ideas:
coleslaw or your favorite dill-compatible salad
plain yogurt or sour cream with soup to dip it in
sushi rice?


Fry like any other savory crêpe.

I filled that particular one with sesame ginger coleslaw, and it was good.

Comment from 2018:
it has no right to be this tasty i"m so mad
https://twitter.com/azurelunatic/status/983091372344266752

What with the one thing and the other, I was minded to make a tasteless RHPS joke, and located a thing of ground beef to cold-water thaw in the kitchen all afternoon. Since it was well-received, I should note down the composition.

2 lbs ground beef
2 packets onion soup mix
generous triple shake Montreal steak seasoning, maybe 1/2 tablespoon
about a teaspoon dried parsley flakes, the end of the old glass jar
a pinch (quarter-teaspoon or less) basil
good solid shake of thyme
a handful (1/3-1/2 cup, ish) of frozen peas & carrots
two handfuls of rolled oats (the end of the dinky little container and some out of the new big one)
ketchup and bbq sauce, enough to cover

Mix everything except ketchup and bbq sauce and shove in loaf pan
(I mixed it in the loaf pan but you don't have to)
spray down top with ketchup and bbq sauce
bake at 400F until done

did not notice the slight freezer burn at all, didn't notice the lack of binding agent, did probably overcook it given that we were watching Go Jump In The Pool very loudly and missed at least two different timers


Ev did two house tours today, and the more expensive one was Suspicious; the less expensive one looked basically fine but needs inspection and some renovations/repairs.


In #AdventuresOfStNoNo, the topic of dildoes arose and I (over)shared with Twitter. things I can't believe I just said for 12k, Alex: "I think we're edging out of the skeuomorphic balls phase of sex toy"

The current set of replies are also DW people and safe, for certain definitions of "safe", but "for work" is not among those. Or any other place where you might be bothered by the sight of what's under discussion.


I've been getting a few more wrong numbers than usual. Today was another one. All numbers from the state that my area code belongs to, but not the suspiciously similar ones from that scam campaign, whichever scam campaign that is that calls you and spoofs your area code and prefix.

Note that amounts may not line up precisely because we kinda fucked around with the potato step. Any ingredients not accounted for in the main portion should be assumed to be potato-related.

Cottage Pie
as overhauled by Yellcat Lair, round 1

Ingredients:
Mashed potatoes sufficient to cover the tray (one packet Idahoan prepared p much per directions, or 2 lbs raw potato mashed)
- if mashing from scratch: 1/2 cup milk
- if mashing from scratch: 2 tablespoons butter
- 1/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon parmesan (sprinkle cheese is fine)

1 onion, chopped roughly
1 generous dragon handful baby carrots, chopped in half
chopped garlic to taste, probably not more than a tablespoon
1 tablespoon or so butter or delicious frying fat (try bacon grease)
2 pounds ground beef (or lamb, if we want to make this a shepherd's pie)
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper (careful with increasing this, as boiled pepper is pepperier than finishing pepper)
2 tablespoons tomato paste, or 4 tablespoons ketchup
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour (omit if anyone is gluten-sensitive!!!)
1/2 cup sangria from the big jug (or 1/4 cup of a nice flavorful vinegar such as red wine or apple cider) - while it should cook off enough to not have an alcohol taste in the finished product, it would not be safe for someone with an alcohol allergy such as Amber. ;)
1 cup chicken broth
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme (could increase this)
1 cup frozen peas, or frozed mixed vegetables with all the lima beans picked out (to local taste)

Prep:
Oven 425F.
Nonstick sautee pan.
Orange pot for the potatoes, if boiling; or else orange bowl if instant.
9 x 13 glass casserole pan, or the big dutch oven
Boiling water (for potatoes, if instant)
Thawed meat.
Baster and container for discarding grease.

IF MASHING POTATOES: cut potatoes and set to boil about 20 minutes, until tender.

Chop onion and carrots into roughly forkable chunks.

Melt 1 tablespoon butter or bacon grease on medium high heat in the sautee pan.
Add onion and carrots.
Cook on medium high until onions have become translucent.

Add garlic and ground meat to sautee pan, stirring and breaking up chunks until meat is no longer pink and juices coming out have started to look more like fat and less like underlying meat juice broth. (This is a great time to check on the potato situation. Prepare instant potatoes or mash regular potatoes.)

PREHEAT THE OVEN ABOUT NOW

Skim off most of fat with baster, for it has done its job.

Add ketchup; stir for 1 minute, ish, until well incorporated.

Add flour; stir for 1 minute, ish, until well incorporated.

Add wine and cook until wine has largely evaporated, a few minutes.

Approximately simultaneously:
Add broth
Add thyme
Add pepper
Add salt

Stir until any delicious brown bits on the bottom of the pan have been unstuck.

Make sure it is back to a boil.

Stir in frozen vegetables, until well incorporated.

Transfer into casserole dish.

Carefully spread mashed potatoes on top: by spoonful, or with a piping bag if ambitious.

Sprinkle cheese on top.

This will bubble like a motherfucker, so if there's any chance it will boil over, put something underneath to catch the drips.

Bake for about 20 minutes, until lightly browned on top of potatoes.