I was feeling a little cranky last night, so I went on an Amusing Underwear Theatre crawl through International Jock's sale section. Link destinations are ostensibly PG-13, but still features intentionally revealing underwear.

http://www.internationaljock.com/pistol-pete-zenith-jockstrap-seafoam,53435.html
Striped elastic? Sure.
Delicately patterned mesh over the package? Sure.
Together?!?!? um.

http://www.internationaljock.com/n2n-bodywear-california-dreamin-trunk-purple-stripes,56076.html
Stripes? Why, don't mind if I do.
Stripes to outline contours? well... it's possible to do it right ...
*stares in fascination at package and butt crack zones*

http://www.internationaljock.com/pistol-pete-tactic-lace-up-swim-trunk-royal,51527.html
It's like someone combined a sports jersey and a sneaker, and they agreed to meet in neutral territory.
Oh, look, there's another one! http://www.internationaljock.com/pistol-pete-varsity-lace-up-jockstrap-royal,53376.html (this one is sold out. That one is on sale.)

http://www.internationaljock.com/ergowear-feel-midcut-cobra,88178.html
Combining this print with this cut makes the pouch (and its contents) look like an afterthought glued on after making the GI Joe.
The other prints are ... not better.

http://www.internationaljock.com/pistol-pete-neptune-swim-trunk-aqua,47408.html
That is certainly a look, and you have arrived there.
The length of the arrow will vary per user.

http://www.internationaljock.com/sundek-14-classic-boardshort-midnight-4,32463.html
The front of these shorts is a classic, conservative fabric and cut.
These are the mullet of shorts: business in front, party in the back.

http://www.internationaljock.com/c-in2-culture-club-street-jock-lap-pool,54941.html
"By employing engineered printing technology, artwork is precisely applied to both sides of the jock pouch, creating a symmetrical Pop Art effect that is unlike anything you've ever seen before."
They are correct. It is entirely unlike.

http://www.internationaljock.com/c-in2-culture-club-street-jock-three-spices,10886.html
The effect here with the striped pouch jockstrap is uncomfortably cobra-like.

http://www.internationaljock.com/tulio-color-block-surf-brief-yellow,27483.html
This is just super bright and cheerful with the yellow and turquoise, and made me smile a lot.

http://www.internationaljock.com/gregg-homme-forplay-boxer-briefs-purple,63884.html
"Subtly transparent" is right -- much more subtle than many of the transparent or translucent pants I've seen. And yet -- the vertical seam in the middle of the pouch? The weird sideswiped wasteband??? Nice rear view though...

http://www.internationaljock.com/gregg-homme-cowboy-boxer-briefs-sand,63867.html
I ... I ...
These briefs are made of what looks like microsuede, though presumably the stretchy kind.
There is FRINGE down the SIDES.
"Cowboy" apparently means "chaps", since the pouch is a somewhat inexplicable (but coordinating) tan-on-black scallopy pattern that looks like it might be fleur de lys until you actually look and see that it isn't.

http://www.internationaljock.com/2xist-chevron-jock-strap-acai,51657.html
I would not have thought about mixing purple, red, and sunrise gold in one chevron-patterned jockstrap. Clearly this is just my failure of imagination.

http://www.internationaljock.com/gregg-homme-perfekbum-butt-outliner-brief-sky,39419.html
PERFEKBUM
"Perfekbum" means: the waistband detatches from the ass coverage for a few inches, and there's a built-in wedgie feature.

http://www.internationaljock.com/gregg-homme-see-thru-pimp-brief-red,72378.html
"Designer Features: XXX metal charm detail on center of waistband, peek-a-boo slit at top of the pouch"
Despite the best intentions of the marketing language, this model manages to make this bright red number look sweet.

http://www.internationaljock.com/pistol-pete-erotic-singlet-navy,12773.html
"It ingeniously combines pleather-look material with fine mesh at the sides and back, giving you a double dose of sexy!"
If you say so.

http://www.internationaljock.com/pistol-pete-master-mesh-brief-black,12775.html
"Designer Features: Sheer open-weave mesh composition; pleather panels on pouch"
This is not the way I would have mixed those fabrics.

http://www.internationaljock.com/pistol-pete-jaguar-sequin-mesh-brief-red,12778.html
"It covers you from front to back with colorful and shiny sequins patterned on top of a fine and see-through mesh material. It's the perfect showy brief for sexy parties or a romp in the bedroom."
Perfect? Again, if you say so... #scratchy #sensorywoe

http://www.internationaljock.com/pistol-pete-glitter-mesh-jock-brief-orange,29900.html
Glittered pastel fluorescent pink-orange-yellow gradient large mesh.
This is a very, very specific look, and I salute those who can pull it off.
There's also a trunks version: http://www.internationaljock.com/pistol-pete-glitter-mesh-trunk-orange,29904.html

http://www.internationaljock.com/pistol-pete-jag-swim-trunk-multi,29911.html
When you're making a zigzag rainbow pattern on your spandex, make sure to include plenty of brown. Oh, and how about a water color effect? You want to make sure to make it look like water color mixed with pleather. That's a great plan!

http://www.internationaljock.com/pistol-pete-aurora-swim-brief-turquoise,53768.html
Ombre pastel blue, check.
Tiny silver studs ... check?
This airbrushed silver dragée cake does not show off this model's ass to its best effect.

http://www.internationaljock.com/lasc-competition-swim-brief-black-paint,75115.html
The 80s called. It was good to catch up! I miss several things about the 80s, and the wacky neon bathing suits are actually on that list.